It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch