I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.