the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.