The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.