Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.