thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
