DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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