Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
