I just saw a hot homeless man
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
