I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
