My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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