Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
