she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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