it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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