Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
