I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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