Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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