she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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