A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
