Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
