Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
