Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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