i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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