So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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