physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
