I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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