peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
