all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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