Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
