we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
