The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
