"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
