Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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