Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
