im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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