They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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