mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize