i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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