my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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