Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
