the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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