the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize