apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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