Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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