Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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