I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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