Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
