what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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