i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
