I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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