You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
