UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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