I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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