took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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