I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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