genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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