i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
