im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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