you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
