People in love make me want to vomit
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
