Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
