I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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