a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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