Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
