just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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