It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
