his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
