What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
