I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is it penis luge time yet?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
