I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
