i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
