im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
